Dude Porn

Chick Porn part deux: Back to the tired old chestnut "romance = chick porn." Besides teh ebil, ebil (yet titillating) sex that's rampant (tee hee) in rom lit, critics often lob the "romance = brainless formulaic pap" chestnut as well. I'm not going to go into why there's nothing wrong with a little formulaic-ness because plenty of other wiser folk have done it so well already, but I want to know why people don't get so friggin' up in arms about the formulaic pap that is Dude Porn.

"Chick Porn" = focus on emotional conflict. It's everything from "I'm a virtuous Quaker and you're a licentious Duke who had a stroke and I can't fall in love with you but O NOES!" to "I'm an emotionally locked down female surgeon and you're the (younger) hottie darling of society so I can't believe you love me and now we're stuck in the Swat Valley during an uprising O NOES!" to a million other stories exploring (but not limited to) the following: childhood abuse, wife abuse, dislexia, racism, classism, women's oppression, etc.

"Dude porn" = I'm at the bottom of the food chain and my life sucks... But guess what? It's going to start sucking worse! Oh snap, now EVERYONE's out to get me! I hit rock bottom O NOES!! ADRIAAAANNNNN!!!!... I figure out some incredibly improbable solution, blow up the bad guys, get the girl, and now I'm at the TOP of the food chain, muthafuka!

Where are all those self righteous critics who hate on rom lit all the time? Why aren't they bemoaning the zombifying effects of Die Hard and XXX? Yet there's something about a genre written BY WOMEN, FOR WOMEN, that addresses WOMEN'S NEEDS, CONCERNS AND DESIRES - and yes, some of it is crap but a lot of it is really quite excellent - that turns people into... well... mindless zombie-critics "RRrraarr... Brrraainz... Rrrrrr... Romance baaaaaaddd..."

Women and men have different kinds of "porn" but that doesn't mean it has to be badly written, either the chick or dude variety. I read romances but I like sci-fi, horror and British mob movies too. Why all the hate only for rom lit? Srsly, does the world really need another Fast and Furious? But GOD FORBID there's a woman somewhere in the (fictional) universe who's happy, both in and out of the sack. Time to get out witch-burning implements!

"Chick Porn"

Do you have to have sex in romance? What is the role of explicit descriptions of sex and, more generally, sexual tension in romance stories? I've been thinking about this for a long time, at least ever since the Princeton romance conference (Love as the Practice of Freedom), which I was fortunate enough to attend because Princeton is pretty close to NYC (gotta love that New Jersey Transit, a godsend for us car-less freaks.)

The old anti-romance literature chestnut "romance = chick porn" has made us romance readers defensive on more than one occasion, yet there does seem to be some truth to it. A friend of mine once told me that he could always tell if a book was a romance by whether or not there was sex in it. Of course, there are plenty of romances that don't have explicit sex, but they tend to be "inspirational (ie. Christian) romance," and of course there are plenty of classics included in the romance canon that don't (Austen and Heyer's books come to mind). The definition of romance is any story in which the romance is the central plot device, and that covers a large section of literature, both modern and classic.

Romantic elements are in the vast majority of fictional works, including "dude porn" (which I'll get into in another post). Examples are The Matrix as well as several Bruce Willis flicks (ie. as a subplot in his fame-making Die Hard and as main elements in both The Fifth Element and 12 Monkeys.) In fact, probably more movies (and books) have a romantic element than don't, and it's not only romance novels that that get steamy with teh sexxoring - plenty of mainstream films contain fairly explicit sex scenes (Top Gun and The Big Easy immediately come to mind.)

However, my friend and his 15-second-romance-test do speak to a certain truth; that is, that modern day romances almost always come with teh sex, of one degree of explicitness to another from your run of the mill 3 - 4 sex scene romance to your non-stop romantica orgy. Which got me to thinking... Can you have a romance without sex? How integral is the sex to the romance?

Is it just for the sake of titillation? Not that there's anything wrong with titillation - as a feminist, I personally think it's great that there are depictions of women enjoying sex in non-oppressive, even nurturing, relationships. In fact, that's probably where a lot of anti-romance sentiment comes from - these are stories in which the men are not only awesome, they're great lovers as well! This would be very threatening to men who are uncertain of how they compare to these super-lovers, especially if their ideal sexual partner is a Fredericks of Hollywood-ed woman who's basically a living blow-up doll, someone who demands nothing and exists only (in their mind) to cheerfully provide them with non-stop sexual gratification, like a Stepford Wife crossed with a sexbot. An entire genre in which women achieve their own sexual gratification, and in which their partners are also interested in their personal and sexual welfare, would freak these guys the fuck out.

So, is romance possible without sex? I don't think it really is. In the real world you're not attracted to every guy who's funny and nice and has a great personality. Sure you like them, and you'll probably end up friends, but it's the ones you feel a certain something for that you'd say you were "attracted to." And if they feel that certain something for you too then it might develop into something more. So no, I don't think it's possible to have a real romance story without at least a little sex. Otherwise, it's just a story about friends. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's not romance.

Bella's Epistolary Intervention

My alternate title for this post was "Glaring Is Not Romantic, Either!" Excerpts from the said friend's article:

Dear Bella,

I still can’t believe that you moved to a town named after an eating utensil! I mean really, Forks, Washington?!? Anyway, I just want you to know that our little crew of misfits and freaks really misses you and we hope you won’t forget us. Sugar, write back. I want to know everything that’s going on.

All the best,
J

Bells,

There is absolutely no reason to blame yourself. Just because “the most beautiful guy you’ve ever met” freaks out around you and tries to withdraw out of biology class doesn’t mean that it’s your fault. People, especially guys, can act odd for a number of reasons, hormones perhaps, I don’t know? What I do know is that you shouldn’t beat yourself up. Bella, you’re a smart, creative and funny person. Anyone who’s worth you spending your time thinking about should relate to you on that. If you and he had actually had any interaction besides staring at each other, then maybe it would be worth trying to figure out what happened. But seriously, glaring at you is not reason enough for you to fall for him.

J

(cut)

Bella, Bella, Bella,

I’m not against Edward because he’s a vampire! It’s just that the more I hear about your relationship with him, the more it troubles me.

You’ve said that your relationship with Edward was different because you were the one pursuing Edward sexually, that he was pushing you away. He even told you that he doesn’t want to have sex before marriage because he is fearful of taking your “virtue.” Well, for starters Bella, your “virtue” is not tied up into your sexuality. A virtue is a character trait or quality valued as being good. So being kind is a virtue and so is standing up for justice. But a woman’s virginity or lack thereof is neither good nor bad. It’s not a quality, character trait or a virtue. It just is what it is.

(cut)

Sometimes I just get so tired of talking about all of this. I mean, think about how many hours we’ve spent talking about sex. Is there nothing else going on? What about global warming? What about the polar bears? I saw this documentary where they are having a harder and harder time finding food because the North Pole is melting. Shouldn’t we be thinking about this stuff way more than who we are dating?

Exasperatedly yours,
J

Dear Bella,

Wow! It’s been so long since I’ve heard from you! What, like a year now? I know you were upset at me over my last letter and I wasn’t sure that you’d write again but it’s good to hear from you...

Congratulations on graduating high school!

So, now you’re not only married, but you’re pregnant!?!?!

I’m really worried about you. I have half a mind to get on a plane and bring you back here for a weekend. Don’t you think it’s strange that your life has become all about Edward and this fetus you’re carrying? It’s like you’re choosing to enter into these oppressive relations and you don’t have to. At first, you were defining yourself in relation to Edward, and now it’s in relation to this fetus you’re carrying and I’m like, this is not a progression.

And then you tell me that not only are you pregnant, but that the fetus you’re carrying is killing you.

I just don’t think that women should have to continue with a pregnancy because it’s the so-called responsible thing to do. That’s the wrong decision to make because there’s nothing “to take responsibility for” just because you had sex.

And besides, just because women become pregnant, doesn’t mean they have to have a baby. Bella, we’re not breeders! Becoming pregnant is not magic and not some gift from god. Hello! It’s all about sperm meets egg. That’s just a natural fact. Maybe if you were paying more attention instead of only flirting with a guy who has constant urges to kill you in biology class....

Can you believe it? I used to think that abortion was an “abomination,” but a lot has changed and I’ve learned to look at the world different. And you know, abortion is NOT murder. It’s a medical procedure. And in this case, it can save your life. Your life matters. It matters to me, and it should matter to you—much more than any fetus.

Bella, we’re young. If I got pregnant, I would have an abortion and not look back. I’ve got dreams, Bella. I am passionate about so much sometimes it feels like I can hardly contain myself! Skateboarding! Music! Theater! Ending world hunger! I want to read every book and see every movie. I want to write poems about truth and life and revolution and love, to look around and get to know the world, however long I have in it. I want my life to be about something. At night I lie awake and think about being part of something that’s really going to be different. The world drifts through my mind sometimes in nightmares that are as real as any vampire or werewolf, probably more so, and outrageous dreams that this ever-changing world could really change for the better, in big ways and small. The moonlight seeps into my eyes in the dark, I can’t help but get up in the quiet of the night and look out at the city through my window, and sometimes for a moment there is a feeling that could only be called possibility. Bella, this should be the beginning of so many things—not the end. For us, and for all kinds of people on this crazy, complicated planet. Why not wake up, Bella, and join me in taking responsibility for all this?

J

Creepy, stalker vampires are NOT ROMANTIC!!!

And they're not sexy either. But first, Buffy hands Edward his ass on a platter ("OMG, are you twelve??!!") - Buffy vs. Edward, a la Smart Bitches/Trashy Books.



Now for actual musings, on the series and on the letters. I’m a big fan of romance literature and, while there’s a lot of complexity (and often not a little patriarchal ideology) in romance, on the whole the stories are on the woman empowering side. Nowadays heroines are often older, not necessarily pretty, and not just “feisty” (ie. dumb clucks who run into danger, thus giving their manly men reason to rescue their Darwin Award-winning behinds) but actually strong, especially in the paranormal subgenre where these post-Buffy heroines are often physically kick-ass as well. Here are some of the comments from the Buffy vs. Edward video from SBTB:

“Oh. Holy. Jeebus. Best remix ever! The editing was awesome. Although it almost made me sad—Twilight is such a major step back from the empowerment message of the Buffy story. I think I’ll reward myself for finishing my current book by
rewatching the series...”

“That’s the most of ‘Twilight’ I’ve seen and I really have to say anybody who finds him romantic needs to have their heads examined. Creepy stalker with an eye issue. He’s not even good looking, ewww. I know teenage girls are weird, but ...”

“I loved this. Buffy has exactly the right attitude for dealing with stalking sparkly bloodsuckers.”

Now, the readers of this blog aren’t necessarily representative of romance readers in general. First off, they tend to be well educated and liberal. They’re also on the older side, so they’re probably not the target audience of young and/or hopelessly caught up in misogynistic ideology Twilight readers. Quite honestly, they were repelled by it.

The letter format of the article is an effective way of presenting the criticism in a way that teens and pre-teens could get into, rather than getting turned off by a heavy literary criticism. The kids are the ones who are buying into this whole Twilight thing, which is scary because their ideas of what’s romantic, and what’s sexy, is being shaped by this crap.

SB Sarah (of SBTB) posted today on Patrick Swayze’s death (very sad). She wrote about how his death meant more to her personally than Michael Jackson’s because, while Jackson’s death was “… a loss from [his fans’] childhood, of a person who was responsible for the soundtrack of their youth. For me, it wasn’t Jackson - it was Swayze, particularly Dirty Dancing.” She goes on to recount how this movie influenced her growing up, and as an adult, in particular her idea of what was romantic (hence, becoming a fan of romance writing.) Compare Dirty Dancing to Twilight. OMG, the comparisons are many! From the woman oppressing mess that is Twilight to DD, with its cute but non-“beautiful” Jewish heroine (who plans on joining the Peace Corps after high school), its the abortion subplot, its examination of class differences. OMG! OMGOMGOMGOMG!!! It’s not Buffy (and I do have to concur with the commenter above – Joss Whedon, we miss you!!!) but it’s such a different idea of women and their proper role and the value they place on themselves and other women, and the meaning of virtue, what’s right and what’s wrong, all the things teens struggle with the most.

Another great point covered in the letters is that keeping on with her (teenaged!!!) pregnancy is not about being “responsible.” Like the letter says, there's nothing that says you have to have a baby just because you get pregnant:

“...[W]e’re not breeders! Becoming pregnant is not magic and not some gift from god. Hello! It’s all about sperm meets egg. That’s just a natural fact. Maybe if you were paying more attention instead of only flirting with a guy who has constant urges to kill you in biology class...”

Besides, THE CREEPY ASS FETUS IS KILLING HER!! OMGWTFBBQ!!!!! This is some sick, sick shit. Props to the letters' author on the fact that we’re more than baby machines... and for going into all the ways we can contribute to actually making the world a better place, as human beings who happen to be women, not uteruses with legs.

Assholes are NOT ROMANTIC!!!

A friend recently sent me an article (in epistolary format) critiquing Twilight. As if the book itself weren't an indictment of Meyer, and religion and conservative ideology in general and Mormonism (of which church the author is a member) in particular.

But before I get into Twilight, some fun Twilight related stuff!




Apparently, Wuthering Heights is the fictional Bella and Edward’s fictional favorite book. Someone’s capitalized on the series success by trying to make money off re-packaging Bronte’s classic with the above cover. My brain, of course, combined it with the Hark-a-Vagrant cartoon which asks why assholes and alcoholic dickbags sell so many books.

It's a polaroid orgy!

... Actually not really but here are the three other polaroids I scanned last night. Go me!

Scanner + Polaroids = HAPPY!!!

Hooray! Got my scanner working! Actually, it's a long, drawn out saga of getting Mini (my mac) and Pinky (my pc netbook) and then my interwebs and wifi working. All of this techno crap because of Big Red, my (actually quite svelte) red Sony Reader. Couldn't work the reader without a computer, because they stopped letting us do stuff like this at work ;( This meant I had to go out and actually *gasp* get my own computer!!!! Me! Whose most technologically advanced gee-gaw was a $15 Virgin prepaid cell phone!! I had successfully avoided getting dragged into the computer age (actually, successfully avoided spending my own money on a computer) and I *had* to get one, all because of a certain hot-tempered red minx (oh, you sony reader, you!)

If you're forced by circumstances (and lust for ebooks) to get a computer, what do you do? You get a Mac (Mini), of course! If I'm going to have to get my own damn computer, then I'm at least going to get a damn Mac, goddammit! But guess what? Sony's eBookstore program DOESN'T WORK WITH MACS!!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRGHHH!!! So what's a girl to do? Get a netbook of course (on sale for $250 at J&R... but in the unfortunate color pink... which I have gotten used to.) So, Mini will be for playing music, watching movies, futzing with pics and doing all those other Mac-y things while Pinky will be my companion to go to school (and download ebooks).

... Wait.

... I DON'T HAVE TEH INTERNETS!!!! OH NOEZ!!!!!!!!

So, thus continues the saga of getting internets and wifis (which, thanks to my buddy Fabio finally works - not the intenets, which is thanks to the evil and demon tenticular Verizon but the wifis). Wifi works, Mini and Pinky are all set to go, all I needed was a USB cord and my itty bitty HP all in one scanner/printer/copier would be online. USB cord was gotten last night at good ol' J&R and WE HAVE LIFTOFF!!!

Next post - first scanned polaroids (cue 2001 Space Odyssey music). That is, after the one I just posted in this post :)