Super basic all natural body care: The recipes.

This isn't even a gorilla, but it would be awesome if it was!

So, here you go. Actual recipes.

Shampoo and face/body wash: Mix 2 tablespoons of baking soda in 1 cup warm water for hair and body. Pour one half the mixture on your head, making sure to soak it all the way down to your scalp, and splash the second half on your body. Rinse it all off - first the baking soda wash will feel slippery, the way your fingers feel when you get bleach on them. The baking soda, a mild base (unlike the bleach which is a really strong base and not something you really want on your skin), reacts with oil already on your skin to create soap through the process of saponification. Make a paste with one more tablespoon and rub the paste into your stinky bits. Rinse that off and follow with:

Hair rinse/conditioner: ACV smooths and closes up the hair cuticle leaving hair soft and shiny. If you don’t strip your hair with harsh detergents and chemical processes you shouldn’t need anything more intensive than that. A solution of ¼ ACV, or whatever amount works for you, in water. If you have serious skin problems like eczema or (like me) seborrheic dermatitic go up to ½ ACV, if you don’t put in less. You can play with the amounts until you’re using the minimum amount of ACV necessary to keep your hair shiny (and your scalp healthy!) Keep in the fridge when not in use. You can rinse it out or leave it in as a sort of "leave in conditioner" - I leave it in. It stinks but the smell goes away when your hair dries and it's much more effective that way, especially if you have skin problems like drandruff.

Moisturizer: After washing apply a light application of olive oil to still wet skin and pat dry. Optional: You can precede that with a body splash of a tablespoon of ACV in a 2 cups water – it restores the acid mantle to the skin (remember the acid mantle?) It also helps your skin absorb any moisturizers.

Deodorant: A solution of ½ water ½ ACV works to keep the stink away for most of us modern sedentary folk. ACV has antibacterial properties but you might have to reapply it.

Tadaa! Now go thee and unstink yourself, whilst they skin absorbeth the hellaciously good benefits of EVOO and ACV! It'll thank you.